Reminders: The Importance of Listening
by Ardith Hoff
When we talk about evangelism, it usually involves what to say and how to get people to listen to our faith stories. We want to convince them to want the wonderful Christian life we are experiencing. We want to tell all about how God’s love has impacted our lives, how Jesus died on the cross to save sinners like us, and what a blessing it is to know that all we needed to do was accept Jesus as our savior.
What we often forget, in our enthusiasm for our mission, is that the person we are talking to may not be ready to hear, but actually needs to be heard. When we approach a person, we think might need to hear our message, we need to stop and think that what we have to say might not be what they need to hear at that moment. Where they are in their lives might be too overwhelming. Sometimes we need to back off and find out what they actually need.
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2 We have to start where people are, not where we think they might be. If we listen instead of talking, we might find out that the person we want to evangelize, by telling them our experience, might not see the relevance of our story to their lives. If we ask questions and listen, we are much more likely to gain insight into how to bridge the gap between what we want to talk about, and what they are willing to hear.
When someone is experiencing some type of trauma, they don’t want to hear how wonderful our life is, they want to tell us how horrible their life is. Assuming we know what someone else needs to hear, and insisting on telling it to them, is likely to generate defensiveness and resistance. They are likely to tune us out.
As a writer, I have often heard my instructors say, “Show don’t tell.” In other words, showing kindness and understanding builds trust and rapport. When we listen and respond rather than talking at someone, we build a relationship of respect that can open avenues for productive conversations. “And so, having patiently waited, he obtained the promise.” Hebrews 6:15